Goodluck Jonathan: I Know the Thieves

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Let me first send my sympathies to you sir for the recent theft at one of your houses in Abuja. I must say that this is one peril too much since you left office. Apart from the various name-calling and your wife’s continuous stress with EFCC, Nigerians have shown a markedly indifference to your brand of bowler hat-wearing democracy. I plead on their behalf for you not to take it against them. Remember that even Jesus Christ our Lord was also not accepted by his people. The kind of leadership you have shown us cannot be replicated. In fact, the prayer is that it should not be replicated in this generation so that Nigerians can see very clearly the opportunity we have missed. But today is not about your leadership but about the thieves who invaded your residence. Such a huge lack of respect can only come from people who do not respect what you did for us during your presidency. I am sure they did not benefit from those contracts you gave the militants to guard our pipelines, or did not gain from the amnesty largesse you graciously distributed. I am even sure Diezani did not get to them because she could not go beyond those two ‘boys’ who have today put Nigerian rent-seeking politics and its many oily benefits in the global record books. My lord after going through the items stolen from you, I knew instantly the people who burgled your house. It has been announced that six TV sets amongst other items were stolen. The police should not go far abeg; they should just go to the football viewing centres that litter around that vicinity to recover the items. The people in seeking what to eat and support their families following your wonderful economic policies and that of the present government which seems to be flying around, brandishing funny figures of economic resurgence simply decided to take football viewing centres with you as the unwilling benefactor. Have you seen how crazy Nigerians are with football especially the English Premiership? So take consolation that your missing items would create the employment opportunities your government could not, giving people an opportunity to relax and get away from it all in this our wahala country. So sir, no pity from here on this particular burglary; simply replace them abeg. You can afford it. God bless.